CLUB B5 - VW Passat Page

Spray Paint Is Your Friend by atomicalex
June 29, 2004

Note to readers:
This editorial is purely tongue-in-cheek, so don’t get freaked out.

I placed at the local VW show this year. Second in mixed Passats. I got a nice crystal trophy and all. So how did I manage to get my mommy wagon a trophy? Lots of brainwork and three cans of spray paint.

After Julian beat Tim for first at last year’s Midwest Treffen, I started to wonder just how exactly that could happen. Let’s face it, Tim’s Passat is seriously impressive. What could Julian possibly have over it? I though about it for a bit, and came up with the following:

First, you have to have BBS wheels. You will always score higher with BBS wheels. Even the MkIV guys have figured this out. If you’re up against another car with BBS wheels, then you will need more spokes, more rivets, and more lip, approximately in that order. The reason for this is that everyone knows what a royal pain these wheels are to keep clean, so if you manage to do so, you get the sympathy vote. They were both running CHs at the time, IIRC, so draw.

After that is ICE. I am no judge of ICE. To me it is all dead weight, and my Premium IV sounds better than any car stereo I have ever had. But it’s there, and it counts. I hear that more monitors is better. Again, both were hooked up. Draw.

Of course, you have to have a 1.8t. The 1.8t spanks the V6 just by existing. That is a fact of life. If you have a modded 1.8t, then you are even higher up the food chain. The only way a V6 can beat a 1.8t is if the V6 is supercharged and the 1.8t is stock. Even then, it’s close. Heavily modded 1.8t, this one goes to Tim.

Ok, so what was it that got Julian that win? It had to be the red engine covers. Everyone at the entire show could see his engine bay from the far end of the Corrados (of which there were 100 and some). They were blindingly red in a sea of black. People were coming to the Passat row just to find out what they were. Lots of people. One guy wanted to know if Passats were regular Volkswagens. Most people were surprised we had even bothered to mod our family cars. This had to be the secret ingredient.

So much for the thinking, now for the spray paint. Earlier this year, I got into it with the spray lacquer and painted my engine covers white with a blue stripe. It took me two weeks of sanding, painting, drying, and a couple of posts for help, to get a nice finish. They look good. They do absolutely nothing for hp. No one ever sees them except at shows. Why did I waste two complete weeks fooling around with sandpaper and spray paint?

I got a trophy for it, that’s why. FWIW, I came in second (by one point) to a guy who had more spokes and more rivets. My only consolation is that I have more lip.

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